The London-based business has transported its flagship model to Colorado to drum up interest in the motorbike-loving American market as it is looking for angel funding and needs investment to expand.
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‘What sets us apart from our competitors is that we have started our design on a clean sheet of paper and the bike is not just derived from the format of traditional motorbikes, which makes us higher performance than a petrol bike,’ he said. Mr Marazzi, 42, said the firm has been working with next generation electric technology over the past five years. He describes the bike as the ‘world's first high-performance, clean tech motorcycle’. The firm was founded by former marine Lawrence Marazzi who, after returning from Afghanistan, decided to go back to his roots in Formula 1 and aerospace design. That sound you're hearing is probably you screaming, either from homophobic panic or from someone putting things up your ass.The company's founder describes the bike as the 'world's first high-performance, clean tech motorcycle' While this is all going on, humpy jazz music is being mixed with the sounds of a woman panting.
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As you blast it, a second phallic-shaped man comes out of his crotch and tries to jab you with his stretching penis-arms and penis-head. Let me try to paint this baby-oil massage of a mental picture: The first boss is a monstrously huge man wearing a metal sphere for a codpiece. The three of you fight off hordes of tiny chariots filled with naked men, rocket-powered dildos with naked men dangling from them and giant naked men using other giant naked men as pogo sticks. You swim through the air with your two nude male assistants, who follow beside you and recline into various sexy positions. The main boss is a pyramid of men in bikinis launching Skittles out ofĪfter a few minutes of this, you are transported to a dimension of pure homoerotica. And I don't know if you've ever seen anyone wink without moving the rest of their face, but it looks less like flirting and more like a horrible sleepy-waky baby doll with a broken eyeball. A stupid graphic of an eyelid slides over one eye then disappears. Before the camera pans down her strategically blurred body, there's an inept attempt by the graphic artists to make it look like the girl's winking at you. Unfortunately, that's when it gets a little bit creepy. If you can get off to this, I hope you're reading from I'm just telling you that probably nothing in this game is going to turn you on until you win a picture of a naked girl. Yes, I understand there is something wrong with an industry when a group of women kicking the crap out of each other in thongs is totally normal, but fuck that I'm not a sociologist. There were a lot of half-naked people already in Street Fighter 2, so the actual game doesn't even seem unusually erotic.
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If you are one of them, please stop reading and go play any of the games where you splatter the heads off of aliens with a rocket launcher. Warning: Some of the things and the breasts attached to them discussed in this article may confuse and frighten younger readers. But "adult game" designers often cross the line between sexily risque and fucking lunacy. Barrel-throwing gorillas and nudity are a perfect match, and sand paintings show that even as far back as ancient Egypt primitive man has been mixing pornography with Zaxxon. Just like orphans and tap dancing, eroticism and video games were meant to be together. Today, we're introducing him to some of you, and reintroducing him to the rest, with his look back at some of the most disturbingly erotic old school games. "Seanbaby's Flying Blind on a Rocket Cycle" will be our first new column since Robert Brockway came along back in November and started punching words through your computer screen. He's been a major influence on some of our best writers, and starting in April, he's going to be 's newest columnist.
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Sean "Seanbaby" Reiley was writing comedy over at when Cracked was a poor man's MAD Magazine.